Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize