You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
