I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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