My balls are so social today.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
