Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
