Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
