Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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