you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
