Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
