Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
