It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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