she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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