smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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