I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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