every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
