He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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