Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
