I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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