I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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