I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
