Kiss
Puke
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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