Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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