Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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