He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
