Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
FUCK WHALES
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
