we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
