just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize