im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
