Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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