Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
