Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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