What a fucking waste of an outfit
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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