what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
