So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
