mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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