you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
40s are totally the cure
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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