Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
