He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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