I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
