I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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