The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
