I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
