also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
