Sacagawea was the original milf.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
