the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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