We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
