I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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