my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
