apparently the secret to your success is patron
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
