Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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