You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
