I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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