neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
