then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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