I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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