I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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