By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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