im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone came in the potted fern
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
