I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
