I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You need a sexual gate keeper
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
