I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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