Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
