There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
