all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
