"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
