you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
