FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
