you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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