Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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